


Please Pick Up

by A_Letter_From_Kurian



Category: Welcome to Night Vale
Genre: 61-BRINY DEPTHS, Anxiety, Coping Mechanisms, Disassociation, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Spoilers, Spoilers for Episode 61, Written from Personal Experience
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-03
Updated: 2015-02-03
Packaged: 2018-03-10 09:02:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,468
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3284576
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/A_Letter_From_Kurian/pseuds/A_Letter_From_Kurian
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cecil walks and talks himself through a bout of disassociation and anxiety after an episode. Carlos is there to calm him down- he always is.<br/>(Spoilers for Episode 61- Briny Depths)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Please Pick Up

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Jathis](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jathis/gifts), [Dangersocks](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dangersocks/gifts).



> The writing for this particular text is rather disjointed. This is due to the fact I wanted to use this opportunity to articulate trough writing what I constantly have to do in order to make it through my day. I'm starting to reconcile with the fact that I'm a victim of emotional abuse, past and ongoing. So this fic is a first step on the healing path; it's as much for me as it is for Cecil.

**[Fumbles with house keys, shakily opens and closes the door.]**

_Alright Cecil, you did it. You made it home in practically one peice. Glad that I didn’t get hit by any dead animals that the GlowCloud was dropping. I- crap, I forgot to pick more Wheat-free bread from Ralph’s. I’ve been forgetting everything lately. I feel so pathetic; why is it that I can’t remember anythi-_

**[Heavy purring; Meowing Sounds]**

"Khoshekh. Hey there."

_Regardless of what I can or can’t remember, at least I can remember to feed Khoshekh. He likes salmon, he always does._

**[Puts can into electric can opener, plops food into a white porcelain saucer]**

"Here little guy. There you go."

_There. That’s one thing done right. Now it’s time to call Carlos…you can do this Cecil, you can. You may not be able to remember things, and you might be extremely lackluster at your job lately, but I know you can do this…_

**[Shrugging out of clothing, picks up phone from the pants pocket. Pulls out charger and plugs the phone into the wall. Pulls out the last of Carlos’s red flannel shirts from his hamper at the back of his closet, snuggles into bed.]**

_See Cecil? That’s not so bad. You did OK this time. You made it. Now let’s unlock the phone and speed-dial *3…see, you’re there. Carlos’s shirt smells nice, doesn’t it? It feels soft, and it’s safe and warm like Carlos. Carlos who wasn’t fooled by the trees and their silly signs, Carlos who always warns Night Vale because he wants it safe, Carlos…the only one who isn’t a secret agent. There are things you may not know about Carlos, but he’d never lie about being a secret agent to you._

**[phone starts ringing]**

_Please pick up Carlos, please pick up. Please, please, I really need you and your Science, and for things to just make sense. Just-_

"Cecil?"

"C-Carlos?"

"Yeah, it’s me Cecil, i was just…Cecil, are you okay?"

**[Sniffles]**

"Cecil, are you crying?"

"No…not necessarily. I’m…not crying yet but I’m close, I’ p-pretty close, yeah."

"Cecil, what’s wrong? Is everything okay in Night Vale. Um, okay  _for_ Night Vale?”

"No, Carlos. No it’s not. Today I got some weird messages in every single social media account I have from The Vague Yet Menacing Government Agency. Apparently they wanted me to to say some code word… ‘Briny Depths’? And then when I finally said it correctly, it activated something in almost every citizen of Night Vale that they were programmed to do at the same time. Carlos,  _everyone_ here is a secret agent, and I swear I just might’ve been the control. And i thought that Intern Hector was the one who has saved Dana from the antiques, but I found a photograph, and it was ME in the photograph. But…I don’t remember saving Dana at all! I swear Hector did it! There’s  _so much_ that I don’t remember at all. And Earl… Earl has a son that he doesn’t have the name of, nor does he remember having him. Carlos…Carlos I don’t know what’s going on. This is the first time I’ve ever distrusted anything native to Night Vale. And I-I’m just really scared, and confused, a-and I’m not into r-reporting as I used t-to b, and I just-“

**[sobs softly, snuggles the pillow that doesn’t smell like Carlos anymore]**

"Cecil. Cecil sweetie baby, calm down okay? I’m right here. I’m not a secret agent, or some member of a secret government agency. I’m Carlos… your Carlos"

"Perfectly…Imperfect Carlos?"

"That’s right Cecil. Ssssshhhh, shhhh…"

"…Carlos?"

"Yes Cecil?"

"Is there anything that can explain what’s going on? At all? You’e a scientist, maybe there’s something you can tell me? I wish you were here to hold me and tell explain to me us what’s going on."

**[Sniffles, pulling Carlos’s flannel shirt closer]**

"Cecil, I know. I wish I was there with you too. But I can be here with you through my voice…. the truth is, I’e been wanting to get you out of Night Vale because I’ve picked up on these hings every now and then, and I wanted to ask, but I was afraid o do so because i didn’t want to end up upsetting anyone. I-I didn’t know whether of not you’d deny it, and I pushed i aside because I thought it was "Normal for Night Vale." Cecil I am sorry, I am so, SO sorry. I didn’t know what I was thinking- I should’ve figured out a way to bring it up. Cecil baby, have you been re-educated recently? Is that it?"

"No. I don’t think re-education makes you forget things like..your life and stuff. I think re-education makes you forget what the Sheriff’s Secret Police wants you to forget."

**[A short silence follows, occasionally broken by sniffling and soft breathing]**

"Cecil, are you still there?"

"Y-yeah."

"Okay. Can we try a new exercise, Cecil? Something to calm you down? You don’t have to say yes if you don’t want to, but if you wanna try it that’s fine."

"I… yes. Anything to hear your voice Carlos."

"Okay Cecil. I want you to name 5 things that you can think of that make you feel good. Can you do that?"

"Um…okay. There’s…Khoshekh. Of course there’s Mayor Dana Cardinal; I’m so relieved that she’s alive, even if I don’t remember how it really happened.. I enjoyed today’s Weather report. Talking with Earl is always nice, we did a cooking segment today. And…there’s you, of course."

"That’s nice. Now, take a deep breath. Count 4 things in your room that can see."

"I can see my phone…you thumbnail is so cute. And…I’m laying on your side of the bed, next to the wall, on your pillow. I can see one of your red flannel shirts. And on the wall, the mounted shelf has a carving of Khoshekh  on it. It’s a work in progress."

"That’s great! I bet it looks awesome. Send me a pic later, okay?"

"Okay."

"Now, name three of your favorite foods for me?"

” _Caaaaaarloooosss_ , I have more than three favorite foods!”

**[Chuckling]**

"I know, but just name your favorite three!"

"Well okay. I like the blood-soaked mushrooms that they served at that one fancy restaurant that we went to one time. I also like the tomato sauce shakes at Big Rico’s Pizza. And… well, i love lots of your cooking, but I like the way you make plaintanos."

” _Plataños_ , Cecil.”

"Oh, well I grew up saying it plantains. Silly me."

**[giggling]**

"Okay, now… name 2 little things that made you feel better about today."

"I actually got to have coffee today! It was the vanilla bean blend, which is my favorite!.Oh, and this morning I got to listen to Missy Elliott while getting ready for work. It’s been  _ages_ since I’ve been able to listen to music without it affecting my blood stones or opening a miniature brain-sucking portal in my earphones.”

"Wow, that’s great! Which album was it?"

"Supa Dupa Fly."

"Yesssssss."

"I KNOW, right? When you get back from the Desert Otherworld, I wanna have more throwback jam sessions with you again. Those make me happy, too."

"Okay Cecil. There’s just one last thing we need to do to complete this exercise. But it’s something I have to do. Are you ready?"

"Yes."

"Cecil, I love you. I love you so very much, even more than Science."

"I’m VERY into Science these days, love."

"I know Cecil. You’re a very avid and inquiring student. But *coughs* anyway, I wanted to tell you that even if we can’t figure out what’s wrong with your memory, that I’ll be there to work through it with you. You are here. You are not an agent, _you are your own person_.  **Nothing** can take that from you. Not me, not the Sheriff’s Secret Police or the Vague yet Menacing Government Agency. Not even Night Vale can take you away from you. You understand that, right?”

"Yes Carlos. I do. I knew it before, but… yes. I’ll always remember that."

"I love you."

"I love you too."

"Take care of yourself for me, okay? You deserve it."

"Okay Carlos. You stay safe in the Desert Otherworld."

"Goodnight Cecil."

"Goodnight Carlos, Goodnight."

**[The phone cuts off]**

_Hey… y’know, this was’t that bad. I feel so much better now, even if I don’t have all of answers. Carlos loves me, and I’m his sweetie baby. And I belong to me…I am my own person…I am loved, and I belong to me… I'm gonna try my best at work tommorow, and I'll do my best to serve the citizens of Night Vale...and myself..._

**[Dozes off soundly]**

_Goodnight Cecil. Goodnight._


End file.
